Teeners the Film Critic

Last night, I went to see The Butler. I already sent Taylor an all-caps text about how much I loved this movie, but even the next day I am really obsessed. It's like last month when I saw Frozen. Both life-changing. I thought I'd blog to ART about it, also just to tell you about my life in general. Here we go.
The movie was for free at a theater by our house called the Redford Theater. This might make you think it was in Redford, but Redford Theater is actually in Detroit, just a few blocks from my house. I can walk there when it's not so cold that my snot freezes. It's called the Redford Theater because when they started to build it, this area was not yet part of Detroit, but by the time it opened in 1928 it was. Next door to the theater now you can find the best hot chocolate in the whole world. If you ask, they will tell you how they make it, but I prefer to keep it mysterious.

Who says Detroit isn't cute?

Anyway, the movie was free because AARP sponsored it, but they still let us in because we look so old and mature and also because it wasn't limited to AARP members. Emily, Ashley, and I went. We are also the three housemates who all work at NSO, but we work in different programs so aren't really together at work. I digress.

Misleading poster. The Butler isn't into Black Power

The movie was so good! I cried like 6 times at least, because it's about civil rights and this is a pretty sad subject because racism is really violent. This February I have heard a lot more than usual about black history month, and it makes me feel simultaneously bad for my white privilege and sad for all the inequalities that still exist but also pretty pumped because things are looking a lot better now than they were in 1964. Maybe not in Arizona, though.
It was really interesting how many presidents they showed dealing with race issues, from Eisenhower through Reagan. Also, the presidents were played by pretty famous people like Robin Williams, James Marsden, John Cusack, and Severus Snape. Guess who played who! If you haven't seen the movie yet, you should. Then you should go see Frozen. I'm still obsessed with that one, too.

Tonight, I get to go to the Detroit Opera House where Rachel and I will be trained to be ushers! Then we can go see free shows! We already got to see one free show where we didn't usher and got to sit in the 6th row. It was American Idiot, the one with all Green Day music. I wouldn't have bought tickets to it, but it was good. Very angsty. Very Green Day.

Where I will be tonight!

Also coming up in my life is pottery this Friday (I did pottery last Friday, too, I'm not that bad at it) where we will make bowls for a fundraising-soup dinner. Then Saturday I am going to a wedding with Bobby, because Ashley is a bad girlfriend and going on Spring Break. Yay weddings!

Weekend Weekend Weekend

This past week felt super long. Partially because I had to work on President's Day and only like a quarter of the office was in that day. So, I was super happy by the time Friday came!

Also, it's been a little stressful at work because I'm going out to LA at the end of this week and our board meeting is coming up too. I have a lot to do and only like 2% of is fun.

Mattan, Brie and I made our biweekly dinner plans. And I had originally wanted to go to this soul food place called Oohs and Aahs, because I don't eat soul food very often and I mean, it's a lot of carbs and meat, which is my thing.

Fried Chicken and Waffles--best way to relax on a Friday.

BUT the sad part was that the only vegetarian option on the menu is only available at lunch. So there was literally nothing Mattan could eat. He said he'd watch us eat and then we could go get something else for him later, but that's awkward. So instead we went to &Pizza.

It was pretty cool. And cheap. Which is hard to find in DC.  It's like Chipotle for pizza--you get to pick your toppings as you go down the line and they make it really quick.

They make like long rectangular  personal pizzas? I'd never seen one like that before, but I liked it so whateverrrrr.

Mine was good! And afterward we got frozen yogurt. And I mean...frozen yogurt, to me is always okay, but never that great. But it was nice to sit and talk with them!

Saturday morning I went and got my haircut. (Everyone except Taylor probably got my snapchats) I'd put up a picture but it's not very different  I've come to the conclusion that my hair dresser doesn't see many non-black people, and that's why she's always so excited to do my hair and insists on curling it.

So she curled it and I looked really fancy for when Ridwan came in from Baltimore! I guess med school is busy and blah blah blah so this was the first time we'd managed to see each other despite it only taking like an hour by train to get between Baltimore and DC.

Ridwan being fancy back in '07. (Good thing he doesn't read the blog or he'd prob be mad at me)

He got in sort of late so we didn't do a ton of touristy stuff but we went and walked around the capital, walked around gallery place/chinatown and saw DC things...No museums or anything since they all close between 5 and 7 and Ridwan didn't get to my house til like 4.

We also just happened to run into Brie and her roomie and Elizabeth and her bestie on the street too! It definitely made it seem like I know more people in DC than I really do. You know...so popular I just run into people all over! ...or not.

Then we got Chinese food in Chinatown. But the thing is, Chinatown doesn't really have that good of a reputation for Chinese food as hard as that is to imagine. But the place we ate was good! It has all these ducks hanging in the window and a whole bunch of fish and stuff and feels pretty authentic. God lo mein too!

Then we went to my coworker's party and proceeded to get pretty drunk. The last time we went to her house we each ended up drinking a bottle of wine, and it was that kind of night again.  Definitely some good office bonding, except that there's one coworker in particular we chose to not invite, and it's always hard to like pretend we weren't all together when we talk about our weekends back in the office. But, not like I missed her and I was def fine with her not coming.

Also, one of the guys there went to Notre Dame and wouldn't stop singing their fight song at me--but in like a good natured way, so I had to sing The Victors a lot, and I sort of half lost my voice. But you know, you can't not sing your fight song when challenged to.

So...because I drank so much, we kind of had a slow start to the day. But, we went to the Crystal City Sports Pub and watched Michigan beat Michigan State. NBD. Goooo Blue. I had tater tots. Delicious.

 Now I just have to do laundry and get ready for the week. Big week coming up, but by the end of it I get to go to LA for a couple days, so I'll just focus on that.

Taylor doesn't love Amy enough to watch The Bachelor

I'll be honest with you: this season of The Bachelor is not that fun to watch. This is, of course, no excuse for Taylor to slack on her duties just because she has a life. Luckily, I've got a lot of time on my hands, so I'll cover for you with a short recap of this week's episode.

Andi + Nikki forever

This was the last week before hometown dates, so the women are pretty antsy. Remember, we have Sharleen, Andi, Nikki, Renee, Claire, and Chelsie left. We learned through this episode that Nikki and Andi are really good friends, and Nikki and Claire are really good enemies.
Obviously we are all on team Nikki there, because she may be a bitch but she's a funny one, and her eyebrows are not in a perpetually surprised face.
Sharleen got the first one-on-one in Miami, and repeatedly questioned whether or not she should be on the show anymore because it just didn't feel organic. She and JP like to kiss a lot, though, so it was hard for her to be sure if she should leave. Their date was on a yacht, and cuddling on deck seemed to be the main activity. After the date, Sharleen came back to the hotel and opened up to Renee, who told her that time means nothing and she should know by know whether or not she loves JP. Typically I like Renee's counseling style but this was pretty stupid.
The group date is with Renee, Claire, Chelsie, and Andi. They do things that I can't remember, I think on a beach, but the important thing about this date is there is a rose (there isn't one on the one-on-one dates), and whoever gets the rose moves forward to the night part of the date and the rest go home. Andi wins, and she and JP go dancing to Latin music in Miami. Turns out Andi is not a good dancer.

While the other women don't go dancing, they decide to be awkward in their hotel room. Nikki suspects they will say bad things about Andi, and she will not tolerate it so she leaves the awkward room. Claire thinks she has been disrespected so she chases her and they have an embarrassing girl fight. Two grown-ass women, supposedly ready to get married and help raise a child, and every other word out of their mouths is "like." TV doesn't get better than that.

Nikki's one-on-one date also involves dancing, because she goes to JP's daughter's dance recital. Camilla is super cute and speaks Spanish, which I know is just because she grew up speaking it but I am still really impressed. Also, JP's ex and Camilla's mom was there, she's a Venezuelan model. Try not to be intimidated Nikki-the-nurse-from-KansasCity.

 

Pretty cute

The rest of the date involved going to the Marlin's stadium where Juan Pablo "works" (we all know his full time job will be Bachelor publicity for the rest of his life). Nikki was wearing almost nothing which made me nervous for her to throw a baseball, but she managed to keep her boobs covered.

Back at the house, Sharleen sits everyone down (Nikki is home too) to say she is leaving. They pretend to be a little sad but are actually pumped because this makes their odds better. She then says goodbye to Juan Pablo, who is grateful for her honesty and is proving to be pretty good at comforting crying women. She leaves, and I will miss her because she is less annoying than everyone else. Not as much as I miss Kelly though, because that dog-lover was hilarious.

Kelly does a live commentary on twitter during the episode. So Funny.

Anyway the rose ceremony/cocktail party comes along. It's not too surprising that Chelsie is kicked off. JP cries saying goodbye to her and she tells him he is a great guy. In classic Bachelor style, she wonders in the limo when she will ever find love, because she is SO READY for it. Bye Chelsie.

The Lord of the Roses

So the next stop on our journey to love is New Zealand. Andi reminds us she's never had a one-on-one, and she gets one this week! JP is all about fairness, as we saw last week when he had sex with Claire in the ocean while the other women lay sound asleep in their hotel. 

Before the date even starts, Renee gets her counselor on by listening to Cassandra's problems. Fun fact about Cassandra, her baby daddy is a pistons player. Fun fact about the pistons, they fired their coach this week. Look at all the valuable information this blog provides!

 

Moms wear red?

Anyway, Andi is a lawyer, apparently already a district attorney at age 26, which makes me question whether she earned that... Whatever, I guess all my knowledge of the DA office comes from Batman so I shouldn't doubt her. 

For their date, they go on a boat and it looks cold. Then they go swimming, and it's definitely cold. Naturally, the date is a test to see whether or not Andi is capable of trusting the man she is dating who is also dating 7 other women, so they crawl through crevices and she is not allowed to know where they're going or whether death awaits her on the other side. My house has decided there is probably a 110 pound wait limit for women on this show so that they will definitely be able to fit through these tight spaces to make it to love. Once they are done walking through water, they make out in a waterfall. The night portion of the date is at Te Puia, is that Spanish? They eat dinner in front of a geyser, and JP makes a pun that the geyser will "blow her mind." The geyser does, in fact, blow. It's a picture of romance. They get soaked and must escape, but I'm sure everyone on this show is on starvation diet anyway so the food is no loss. 

Before the date finishes, we find out who is on the group date: Sharleen, Chelsie, Kat, Cassandra, Renee, and Nikki. Claire is thrilled (and annoying) about knowing she has another one-on-one date. 

Andi's date ends with a rose and learning to count kisses in Spanish. Uneventful but cute. I def. think she is a front runner. Their chemistry is "bursting through" (that's a geyser zeugma).

The group date is another good challenge to test each woman's limits in a way that is super relevant to married life and eternal love: picnic followed by rolling around in giant hamster balls! Maybe he wanted to see who would be the cutest throwing up? Bikinis are required for this activity, and two people can fit in one ball so that each woman can roll around with their shared man, one at a time or even in a two to one ratio. The women really like it, and the hamster balls are conducive to private kisses. 

Pet peeve about this date, Cassandra keeps calling JP Juan, which is not okay because his whole family is named Juan-Something, and she really needs to specify the Pablo part. Also it is her 22 birthday on this date. It doesn't look nearly as fun as my 22 birthday...

The best part of this date is dinner in HOBBITON!! Sharleen is excited, because she is my homegirl and a total nerd as well as beautiful and classy. In his individual time with the ladies, JP tells the moms they're his special ones. He also kisses everyone. Renee is really close to saying I love you, I think. Nikki tries to be open with her feelings and blah blah she is falling for him and it's scary. 

A reminder of what Nikki looks like

Sharleen and JP basically only have physical chemistry at this point. Their conversations make me uncomfortable. JP tries to reassure her but it doesn't seem to work as well as on other women (aka Andi who he was able to convince to pose naked). Cassandra gets to blow out a candle for her birthday, but not a candle on a cake because she probably doesn't eat cake. She then gets alone time with Juan and feels good about it. Chelsie and Kat don't get much air time, probably because they're boring. 

Kat is annoying

Chelsie is whatever

Sharleen gets the group date rose and JP pulls Cassandra away afterward, which makes me feel a lot like he's sending her home!! Which I am right. They are in a different chapter so he sends her home to her son. She takes it like a champ. 

Claire gets her date and I can already tell it's going to be stupid to watch. She is still super dwelling on drama from last week. Get over it. She is trying to make a turtle shell metaphor and it's stupid. So they talk on the beach about past indiscretions way too long. Claire makes a good point when she decides this whole dating on tv thing is about her, too, so she needs to decide if he is a good fit for her. She seems to decide yes, they kiss a lot because that's a thing they do. The date is actually super lame. Dinner is equally boring. If I wanted to see people est dinner on a couch I'd watch any American family through the windows while the Olympics are on. Claire likes to pause a kit in her speech so you might be tricked into thinking it's insightful, but I'm not fooled. She's a class A idiot. (Maybe she's a nice person in real life. If so, I apologize Claire and advise you to present yourself less abnoxiously on tv). JP thinks she's super hot. I'm not into it. He gives her the date rose while they cuddle in sweat pants. 

An observation about New Zealand: they drive a lot of hummer-like vehicles. 

Chris also gets some alone time with our bachelor. It must be nice to be Chris Harrison. He travels a lot but doesn't have to make an ass of himself on tv by dating a million people or competing for one person. 

The rose ceremony is the time when Juan Pablo uses his tongue to discern who he should wife up. I'd like to think he also asks these women questions about their family, friends, and interests. Maybe the producers just cut that out because it's not as sexy. But really seeing non-actors kiss is more awkward than sexy. Next season we should hire hot actors to date the bachelorette Jak Gyllenhaal anyone?

Anywho, roses. Sharleen, Andi, and Claire already have them. Since Cassandra already left, only one more woman has to go. Nikki gets a rose. Renee gets a rose. It's down to Kat and Chelsie.....

Chelsie gets the rose! Bye bye Kat. You're sad story about your drunk dad wasn't good enough, but we wish you all the best. You will dance your way into another heart in no time. 

Finally, the episode ends with the scene we've been teased with every commercial break: Sharleen saying she needs to leave. She's confused. She feels guilty. What will she do??

Probably wondering, "How did this become my life?"

Well all the teasers were misleading. She doesn't leave, deciding instead to give it one more try. But we do find out next week is in Miami!

Much love Amykins! I hope we aren't crushing your spirits by revealing that Juan Pablo is not such a catch after all. You'll have to find a different Latin lover down in Santiago. 

JP the whore

Fabric shopping!  Also the only pic I could find of their date.

It's week 5 on the Bachelor and FINALLY my favorite Renee gets a one-on-one!!  I know you all think Nikki is my favorite, and don't get me wrong Renee would be 100x better if she was a nurse but she clearly has the best personality.  Anyways they're in Vietnam, and JP takes Renee to a dress shop and she gets a dress made just for her!  She ends up wearing the dress to dinner later that night...I thought it would be weird and not fit well but it's actually pretty cute.  Other activities that they do include talking on a boat, eating in a restaurant with no other people (hope they got paid a lot to have no customers that night...), and wishing on these little colorful floating lanterns.  Renee is obsessed with wanting to kiss JP and it's pretty much all she talks about during the interview things, but he doesn't want Ben (her son) to think badly of her so he holds off, but she does get the rose.  Overall, I feel like I want Renee to win but also I think she's a little too good for JP (kind of like the Lesley/Sean situation...maybe I'll meet her in person after she loses too!).

"The kiss"

 And then the group date! (duh).  Everyone except Nikki and Renee are on it because they're the best and have a cute little pow wow back at the house.  JP takes the girls to a river and they go rowing in little circular bamboo boats.  He tells everyone to pick a partner, but since there's an odd number and everyone hates Clare, she gets to be with him so I guess good for her for being a friendless bitch.  JP and Clare's boat ends up "accidentally" getting stuck in the bushes and they fall behind, so JP takes this opportunity to make out with Clare.  Let's face it, he's kind of a slut.  The other girls aren't stupid and obviously they see this and hate it, but they're all pretty good sports about it.  Afterwards, they all go to a Vietnamese home and help pick stuff from the garden to have for dinner.  Of course Clare is a picky eater again and JP even makes a joke about it.  But....he's obsessed with her so he picks her first to talk to that night and takes her to his suite where they basically have sex in the pool with their bathing suits on.  Oh wait, turns out they ACTUALLY have sex in the ocean at 4am that night!  Next he talks to Sharleen who I already don't like but she loses even more points when she describes her date as "organic" and says she wants him to see her as a panda in a room full of brown bears....wtf?  He also kisses her....i don't know why he keeps doing this with the worst ones.  And he kisses Andi.  Guess that's the theme of this date.  And surprise Clare gets the rose. Ew.

She survived!

Time for Nikki's date.  JP makes her rope down this cave because the point of this show is to freak out your date til she cries.  Nikki eventually gets up the courage and you guessed it, they kiss.  So much for a good impression on Camila. I'm sure she'll understand why he had to kiss five women and have sex with one this week.  While the first cave, called Hell, was super creepy with weird objects, Nikki and JP go to another cave for dinner and it's really cute and romantic.  Also they talk about nursing, which I obviously love and I'm only 86 days from being done with nursing school!!!  Also, I think she might say she loves him soon.  She gets the rose!

Well the cocktail party was super beautiful with boats and lanterns and other pretty stuff.  Renee FINALLY gets her kiss yay!  And JP tells Clare that he regrets having sex in the ocean because of his daughter.  Umm obviously he's not that concerned about his daughter if he can afford to be away from her for 2 seasons of the Bachelor and kissing ultimately wins in the contest of attraction vs. Camila's affection.  Of course Clare cries and takes up all JP's time as usual.

Kelly, Alli, and Danielle go bye bye. 8 remain.  And the objective rankings are:
1. Renee
2. Nikki
3. Chelsie
4. Andi
5. Kat
6. Cassandra
7. Sharleen
8. Clare

Teeny Bean's turn next week!

Who Run the World?

I've recently had an epiphany (not to be confused with an Epiph-a-party, which can be enjoyed on or around January 6) about the role of women in Detroit and probably the whole world. Actually epiphany is probably not the right word, but I'm trying to make Epiph-a-party happen so I had to throw that in there. Anyway, in another post that will not be focused on the bachelor, I'm just gonna ramble to you about some feminist thoughts and complaints. I apologize for the rambling, but not for the feminism.

Beyoncé knows the answer to this blog title

I'll start with last weekend, when I made the decision to depress myself by watching the 2-part-4-hour documentary Half the Sky (available on Netflix, in case you also want to be really sad). The reason that this was so depressing was because the movie is about a book that is about gender inequality and the abuse and suffering of women around the world. It's actually a pretty well done documentary, although I won't pretend to be as much of an expert as Taylor and Rachael who frequently study this genre of film. They take 6 actresses to 6 different African and Asian countries where they focus on 6 issues like maternal mortality, human trafficking, prostitution, and other cheerful facets of the human experience. Basically me and George Clooney got our feminist on together and I cried periodically with my chocolate milk in a freezing basement.

The movie is a little uplifting, see they are smiling

So I started my week with these gender issues in my head, and I started to put together some things that I've realized over the past 22 (almost 23!!) years of my life. We shall begin with Detroit: there are a lot of women here. Seriously, I feel confused by where all the men are, because theoretically there should be equal male/female births but everywhere I go it seems like a bunch of ladies. My house is all women, and actually most of the service corps that we have met here are most/all female. My office is like 90% women, which is pretty typical for a social service agency and social work profession. When I go to do outreach visits at Head Start or other pre-schools, the teachers are all women. At foster care agencies when I go to talk to staff meetings, there might be one man in the room, and he's usually a supervisor. I have literally never seen a male receptionist or nurse at the doctors' offices when I go to talk to them about referring patients to us for mental health services (look, as a bonus I just explained 75% of what I do at my job!). I think the only place in Detroit where I see men are at gas stations and hanging out on the side walk where they usually ask for my name/number or make lewd comments to me that start with "Hey white girl!" Because who doesn't want a little sexual harassment while she's pumping gas?

This is how I feel about that.

So there's all these women around me basically running the city by working in all these service positions and then going home and taking care of their children. Here are some statistics I looked up: 61.7% of Detroit households are run by a single parent, with about 16,000 single dads and over 125,000 single moms. Still, every mayor Detroit's ever had has been a man, just like every president of the US and every CEO of a major auto company until now. What's up with that?

Probably how Mary Barra feels about that

So I change my mind pretty regularly on which diseases I am going to study (and probably cure) once I go back to school next fall, but lately I've been thinking I should probably focus on women's health, maybe maternal/infant health, because women are the best and I hate men. Not really, but women are really great and I think we should all just celebrate how much they do for our communities and our world. Like, besides bringing life into this world, we also get shit done.

I also should mention that I am reading Bossypants (finally after I got it a year ago for my birthday), and Tina Fey, besides being a hilarious woman and strong feminist, doesn't care for dogs. So take that all you people who think I'm heartless. Really, I'm just the next Tina Fey.

Here's one lady I'd like to brunch with

Life in the Bachelor Lane

Hello everyone, and welcome to Week 4 of The Bachelor! It was quite a wild ride, so buckle in and hold onto your teeth. Juan Pablo started off the episode by announcing that they were all going to South Korea! How exciting! This seems a little bit early for an international trip to me, but maybe they're making an exception for Juan Pablo because he's foreign and they're confused about what that means for the rules about when to go abroad.

This is where Korea is, for those who are geographically challenged. South Korea is fine to go to, but you don't want to make a mistake and end up in North Korea on accident. Unless you bring Dennis Rodman with you.

The announcement that this week there would be two group dates and one solo date was also made. One of the group dates was announced first. This week, JP decided to split the group mostly into blondes and brunettes, and the blondes got the first date. Nikki, Kat, Cassandra, Chelsie, and some other people I don't remember went on this date. Nikki was upset about being on the group date because she doesn't have a sister and so naturally that means that she hates all women. The clue to the date was "POP," which led Cassandra to speculate that maybe they were going to make popcorn, but SURPRISE, actually they were learning how to dance with the K-Pop group 2ne1.

They are sort of like the Korean Spice Girls--from left to right: Brown, Goth, Technicolor, and Cutout Spice.

Juan Pablo claimed that K-Pop is taking over American, which must mean that this was filmed when "Gangnam Style" was popular, because I can't think of any other reason that he would make that comment. Anyway, the dancing was a source of upset to Nikki because she is not a good dancer, and this also added on to her general grumpiness. (Although, to be fair, I also would not want to be on a date that highlighted how completely uncoordinated I am.) Kat was super excited though. She said that she has been dancing since before she could even walk--she was doing the Worm as a baby, maybe? She bragged non-stop about what a good dancer she is and everyone ignored the fact that Cassandra used to be an NBA dancer and is also probably pretty good. Afterwards, the group went to a 2ne1 concert and got to dance onstage even though let's be real, none of the screaming fans of 2ne1 knew who Juan Pablo or any of the girls are.

They had the concert at a mall, leading my dad and I to argue about whether the concert was free or not. Please vote on this issue in order to help us solve the debate.

During the evening part of the date, Nikki threw shade all over Kat for being a fancy-pants show off dancer. Even though everyone agreed that Kat was annoying, for some reason they all banded together against Nikki and now everyone thinks that she is the Negative Nancy of the group. Kat was oblivious to all of this because she was off macking on JP at the time.

"Hi, I'm Nikki the elf fairy and I will mess you up if you dance too good."

In spite of the general consensus of the girls that Nikki was a downer, Juan Pablo is his own man, he makes his own opinions, and he gave Nikki the rose for the night, so she will live to see another week.

Next, we had the solo date--Sharleen got picked this week. In classic Sharleen style, she seemed remarkably un-excited about this. I mean, come on, the girl responded "...sure" when JP asked if she would accept the first impression rose. I can't decide if I like Sharleen. She's pretty much the first girl in Bachelor history to decide that she needs to get to know the bachelor before declaring her undying love for him, but also she's just really bland--which is ironic, because she made this big speech to Juan Pablo about how he is NOT bland and then had to explain to him what bland means.

Anyways, their date was fine, except for the minor speed bump of her having to awkwardly explain that she feels semi-uncomfortable with the fact that he has a daughter. She got a rose at the end of the night, too.

Sharleen sings opera, but did not wear this costume when she sang for JP on their date.

Finally, we had the second group date. This date was mostly the brown haired ladies--people I can remember include Renee, Lauren, Andi, Kelly, and Clare. They walked around in Seoul and just kind of investigated a market. Everyone agreed that Clare is really annoying and possessive of Juan Pablo. She also had a panic attack when they tried octopus--which, really? Octopus isn't even that weird of a food. They also went to one of those places where you stick your feet in water and little fish come and eat all of your dead skin. In a octopus v. dead foot skin challenge, I would eat octopus every time.

During the evening portion of the date, we got to see that while the blonde girls were mostly unwilling to trash talk about Kat, the brunettes were super willing to trash talk about Clare. Kelly and Andi did fun impersonations of Clare freaking out about the octopus. Then they immediately cut to Clare talking to Juan Pablo and saying, "Oh my God, I ate octopus!" which was pretty good editing if you ask me.

Juan Pablo had arbitrarily decided that he wasn't going to kiss anyone on this night, either because 1) There was someone specific he didn't want to kiss and thought it would be easier to just say he wasn't kissing anyone? or 2) He felt like being sadistic and making everyone freeaaaaak out about it. Either way, he shut down Renee and Lauren hardcore when they tried to kiss him, and then went ahead and kissed Clare anyway, AFTER she told him that the octopus had caused her to throw up in her mouth and then swallow it back down. WTH JP? She also started talking about her dad because apparently her dead father is her go-to conversation topic.

"Hi, I'm Clare, and the only things I talk about are my father and throw up."

At the end of this night, Andi got the rose. I like Andi, so I was satisfied that Juan Pablo's taste in women isn't 100% crap.

Finally, we had the cocktail party. All of the girls with roses agreed that they would back off and let the girls without roses get their crack at Juan Pablo, but then--scandal--Nikki talked to him anyway. This caused people to dislike her even more. She is quickly turning into the Tiara of this season. (Sorry, Ashley, I know you like her because she's a nurse.)

Nikki responded to all the haters with the same two things that all reality show villains say:

1) They are just threatened by me.
2) I'm not here to make friends.

Whatever, girl, I get you, but at least be original.

At the rose ceremony, Lauren and Elise went home. Bye-bye girls! My bets are that Danielle and Allison go home next because I literally don't think I've ever heard either of them talk.

Last but not least, Juan Pablo announced that they were leaving South Korea behind for Vietnam. We will see what happens there next week!

I'm sensing an Asian theme.