The Women Tell All (or Cling to Their Last Moments of Fame)

The Bachelor is getting close to the end, and that means my favorite episode: "The Women Tell All." I think it's funny how they now decide to start calling them all women, because throughout the rest of the show they are just girls. Like, "Hi, I'm Claire and am 32 years old. But I still consider myself a girl and get in catty fights with Nikki, another girl, and our shared boyfriend thinks we are all girls, just like his 4 year-old daughter." As Reba might say, these are grown-ass women. Also girls dating men is illegal.
Well, anyway, Chris Harrison welcomes us all like we are old friends and then we get to be reminded of the people that left super early in the season. Some, like Victoria, we will never forget (because she got drunk and locked herself in a bathroom). Others, like this chick, we think may have just snuck on the set for this one episode.

Oh now I remember, you cried the first episode.

To start with, all the women jump on the Andi bandwagon and say how self-centered JP is and how he never really got to know them. Finally, Kelly has had enough of that, and she's all, "Gurl please, you never had any problem with Juan Pablo when you were in the house. Stop playing." Not that Kelly is defending JP, she later asks him why he hates gays. Turns out he said some dumb things in an interview once. To be honest, I care very little about Juan Pablo's opinions on social and political issues, and I doubt that he's much of an activist about anything. 

But this leads us to another common theme of the night, which is the women accusing JP of using his language barrier as an excuse for being rude. Victoria grew up speaking Portuguese, and she feels that it's not that hard to become quickly fluent in another language. Maybe Amy or Rachael can back her up on that? I find it pretty difficult so I guess I'm stupid.

I kept wondering how uncomfortable it would be to sit like this for several hours

So pretty early in the show we establish that these women are not members of the JP fan club. They also think he wasn't fair because he treated the moms differently, and kept telling Renee he couldn't kiss her and then turning around and having sex swimming with Claire in the ocean. But Renee was defending him. She thinks he was very respectful and really improved her dating self-esteem, so much so that she is now "in a

Renee and "The Situation"

situation," which I think means she has a boyfriend and is unrelated to Mike from Jersey Shore. So that probably leaves her out of the running for next Bachelorette. Good thing, because as much as I like her, she'd be way boring.

Besides Renee, the other women who got the most attention/ had little interviews with Chris Harrison were Andi and Sharleen. Also the two women who left the show voluntarily. Sharleen was beautiful as always. I think I'm developing a crush on her. But she would also be a boring Bachelorette because you gotta have more crazy on the show than I think she could contribute. Also I'm not sure she'd want to be on it. I have a theory that she still likes JP (she was defending him all night and they had some serious eye contact when he came out), so maybe she will take him as her Latin lover for a while. 

Andi, on the other hand, is clearly vying for the next Bachelorette season. She made sure to let us all know she is still single but believes in "that great love," which is just as weird of a phrase as "grown sexy." I think Lucy secretly wants to be on it, too. Remember her? She's a professional free spirit. That's not even the weirdest occupation I've ever seen on this show.

This is the weirdest job title.

After the women tell all, Juan Pablo comes out and they tell him all, basically attacking him. He says it's okay a lot, which is his catch phrase. He also says he has no regrets. Probably because no matter how the show ends up, he will be rich and can just go find some other women to date.

Next week, we get to see the Final Rose...... Who will it be?? Nikki? Claire? Or will Sharleen come back and steal his heart? Taking predictions in the comments section below!