Sunday, September 14, 2014

Sundays are for cooking

I bet you've been wondering what we eat on a regular basis here. Or maybe you haven't.  But either way, you're about to know!

I spent all day today cooking so I wouldn't have to during the week. If I don't make my lunch for the whole week on Sunday, I end up not doing it and having to eat out. So here are some of my cooking adventures!

When we visited Bobby in Cincinnati, he mentioned that sometimes when you wake up in the middle of the night, it's because your blood sugar is out of whack. He said he eats a banana to fix it and it helps him go right back to sleep. So, since Zack like NEVER sleeps, we decided we'd get some bananas in case he wakes up and can't get back to sleep. But...he didn't have the problem before the bananas went bad. The only thing left to do was make banana bread. And probably buy more bananas, because eventually he'll wake up and be crabby about not being able to sleep.

And since everything is better with chocolate, I cut up some of the many Hershey kisses my mom sent me for my birthday and threw them in there. I should have used the dark chocolate ones and not the regular ones, but I wanted to save those for myself.

From what I hear, it's pretty good banana bread. I haven't actually had any yet, but I don't know how it could be bad.

While it baked, I decided to make something new! I'm doing this thing where I track my calories with My Fitness Pal. I wouldn't call it a diet, but it just kind of makes you eat less because you have to be honest with it and say what you ate. Anyway, I'd been reading about steel cut oats and how they're so good for you and whatever.  The only catch is, it's not like instant oatmeal--it takes like half an hour to make.

Usually I don't make it a point to buy organic food, since it's more expensive. But, I couldn't find the nonorganic version at Harris Teeter, so I guess I'll just be extra healthy. Basically all you do is measure 4 cups of water or milk, and then 1 cup oats and boil it til its not water anymore. I felt like it'd be weird with boiled milk? So I used water.

It took a while, but eventually became just mushy and not watery.  I like it! I usually like mushy things. I added some sugar and walnuts so it'd be less boring though. So my plan is to eat this for breakfast for four days and see if I still like it. Sometimes the texture of yogurt makes me want to gag, but hopefully this doesn't have that effect.

Then I need to make lunch for the week! I have a lot of extra vegetables that need to get used so I decided to do stir fry! I cut up onions, zucchini, and broccoli and set it aside. I needed to go work out, so I didn't want to get too deep into the cooking process. This also gave me time to soak the rice before I made it! That's something my grandmother always does, but I never really have time to because rice takes so long to begin with.

ThenI went and ran. I wanted to watch football while I ran since that's the only tolerable to distract myself from the fact that I'm running. BUT, only 2 of 4 treadmills had working TVs and the 2 good ones were taken. So I just had to listen music and struggle through the three miles. I've definitely had a better half hour.  When I came back, I was too hot and my feet hurt. So I had to take a shower before Zack and I embarked on a shared culinary adventure.

We'd read online about Shooter sandwiches. We thought they looked kind of cool so we decided to make some for ourselves! Some people do crazy things with them but we decided to keep it simple! Ours was just steak, onions, mushrooms for Zack, and bacon in a hollowed out sourdough bread loaf. I'll just post pictures of the process instead of explaining the entire thing.

Our loaves of bread!
Steaks! We originally thought we could fit two in each, but the loaves were too small!
These are the mushrooms Zack made. I still think mushrooms are gross.
Bacon! We eventually cooked six strips. We did not share this since strip between us.
Sauteed onions! way better than mushrooms!
Me hollowing out the bread loaves.
All the bread that came out of the two loaves.
Adding stuff into them!
Right before putting the lid on.

Them in the process of being smushed!


These were supposed to be bread crumbs, but I dropped them all over the floor so we couldn't eat them. It was kind of a bummer, but since everything else turned out well, I'll count them as a sacrifice to the cooking gods.

After we smushed the sandwiches, I went back to the stir fry! It's pretty easy. I basically just cooked all the vegetables and chicken in soy sauce and siracha and put it over rice. Our kitchen was just super hot from all the cooking and our super loud fan ended up turning on. Every time it turns on, I feel like it's judging me and calling me a bad cook.

At 5 we had to go to this Michigan in Washington dinner and meet all the interns for this semester. The last two times I've just stayed home by myself while Aaron and Zack go, but this time they put that you could bring a "life partner" or spouse with you if you wanted. So Zack put me down as a life partner, which I feel like is a big step in our relationship! Or maybe it just makes us sound like a gay couple from the early 90s. Who uses the term life partner anymore?

Very smushed. Very good.
The dinner was fun! I mean there's no real point. You're just supposed to mingle with the new interns and talk yourself up. I don't have a lot of talking up to do, and interns are only so interesting, but the other people sitting at our table were for real adults and were super nice. Also, I mean, you can't really be upset about free dinner from a program you didn't even participate in.

When we got back we cut open our sandwiches to see if they were sufficiently smushed! They looked pretty good! I'm excited to eat it for lunch tomorrow!

Also, you probably all got the snapchats, but for our work party on Friday my coworker Stephanie and I decided we'd try to extra celebrate the baby shower aspect of it and make a watermelon baby carriage!  I didn't get many pictures of the process because my hands were mostly covered in fruit guts all the time, but it wasn't so bad making it! Stephanie did the carving of the baby's head, but I hollowed out the watermelon and made room for the pacifier in its face.

It was definitely one of those projects were the longer you look at it, the worse you feel like it looks (much like at Painting With a Twist). We were worried it looked like  a severed baby head. Then we were worried it looked like dog/bear and not a baby.  I was also worried that Steph would have a really hard time getting it to work. I guess it was easy enough because she showed up at work with it on time!

At the party everyone was really impressed with our skills! A lot of people didn't get that we made and thought that we bought it! I mean, it ended up kind of cute, but I wouldn't definitely not pay money for this quality of work. We have another baby shower coming up in November, and obviously need to celebrate it in a similar fashion so it doesn't look like we're playing favorites. I'm not sure how to up our game though? I guess we have some time to brainstorm.

Anyway, sorry this isn't about actually interesting things, but this is all I've been doing this weekend.

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Miss

So I guess I am going to bow to peer pressure and write a blog post.

Like the Teeners, I started school this week. However, unlike Teeners, I did not start school as a student, but as a teacher! That's because I am way smarter than her, and people like her need help from intelligent people like me. (JK Teenie you're smart.)

Anyway, I really started last week because I had new teacher orientation and three professional development days (although one of them was a work day, and I don't really think I developed much on that day.)

In addition to professional development, I had to go get fingerprinted for the seven bazillionth time. I have basically admitted defeat when it comes to this process. It is always expensive and time consuming and somehow way more complicated than it seems like it could possibly be, and I have had to get it done far more than make sense. But whatever. This time was a unique and interesting experience because the police officer who took my fingerprints was extremely admiring of my fingerprints. The first indication of this came when he told me, "You know, your fingerprints are really nice and clear." I asked him if this meant I should never commit a crime and kind of laughing because that's sort of a weird thing to say and I wasn't sure how else to respond. A few minutes later, he said, "Your prints really are nice." And then later, "It's really a pleasure printing you." And then later, "Don't you dare ever let anyone else print you." It was confusing because it felt like he was hitting on me but also it's hard to be flattered when the only compliment you get is about your fingerprints. I was somewhat tempted to shout "I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!" and make him feel as awkward as I felt, but I didn't because he had a gun.

Not nearly as nice as mine.
 Anyway, my seductive fingerprints passed the "Don't be a criminal" test and I have now been a teacher for two days. I'm not going to describe my days in full because we just did basic first couple of days stuff--syllabus, icebreakers, book inventory, etc. However, I will include a short list of some things that have happened, and you can feel free to just imagine the rest.

One funny thing is that everyone thinks that Evan is my boyfriend because in a distinct effort not to share my love life with them, I included no mention of my actual boyfriend--but I did put a picture of Evan on my "important people" slide and EVERY class asked if we were dating, and then acted very suspicious when I said no. Whoops. Guess in the future I will only have female friends.

From now on, nothing but CART. Except maybe then they'll think I'm a lesbian.

Also, I have realized that middle schoolers get excited about really weird things. Today, one of my 7th graders said to me, "Miss, I saw you in the hallway today!" (Also, sometimes some of them legit just call me Miss. What?) This set off a chain reaction of everyone in the entire class saying places that they had seen me. "I saw you walking in from the parking lot!" "I saw you in the 7th grade hallway!" "Hey, I saw her there too!" "I saw you talking to another teacher!" "I saw you looking in the supply closet!" and so on and so forth until finally I had to be like, "Guys, I work here, and sometimes they let me leave my classroom, so you're going to see me around. It's not that exciting and we don't need to talk about it for 5 minutes while you're supposed to be writing in your journals."

A recreation of Miss talking to Mr. Teacher from across the hall. Especially accurate because Miss's face says "I have no idea what's really going on."

I learned we have a school iguana that lives in the lobby.


Not our specific iguana but you get the idea.

Anyway, even though I have only had two real days of school this week and both of them were good, I am happy tomorrow is Friday! I think that once this week is over things will feel more normal, and less like I am an imposter teacher who is going to be thrown out at any moment.

Epidemiwhat?


I started school this week!!
So did Patrick. Isn't he cute??
I feel like I sort of started last week because that is when we had orientation and I had to make friends all over again. Normally I'm all: 
But lately I've been pretty friendly. It helps that everyone in my program seems pretty cool, and they all like public and health so we have that in common. So far I've gone on running dates, played kickball, and biked in the rain all in my effort to be social. And I even remember the names of some of the people I've met. Success!
My classes this semester seem pretty much like and undergrad course load (5 classes, 16 credits, mostly in class from 8am-1pm). But I'm sure they'll be harder, so I'm bracing myself for lots of studying. My favorite so far is public health genetics, which I have Mondays/Wednesdays. I learned already that it's been recently discovered that 75% of our DNA is transcribed into RNA, which is not what I learned 3 years ago in undergrad genetics. Also we are going to talk some about GMO food, which is a thing I've recently become more interested in as I dabble in being a vegetarian hippie. 
I also have intro to epidemiology (which is good because I'm still not entirely sure what I'm training for a career in), biostatistics, biological basis of disease, and a programming class in SAS. 
So far I'm loving being in school again, maybe I'll stay a student forever?

From 0 to 60

Alright people.  I know I'm probably the worst contributor to this blog, but it's 12:50 am and I have to stay up for another 7 hours, so I figure why not humor you.  I have a cute little snuggle buddy on my lap, so he's going to help me write.
Basically what my baby friend looks like...same blankets and
 pacifier even! But NOT ACTUALLY because that would be
 breaking HIPAA and would be a bad start to my nursing career.
So, in the past two weeks I've made a lot of life changes!  It all started on August 18 when I woke up to a call coming from the 3-1-3.  I was super excited because this was the call I'd been waiting for for weeks.  It was the HR rep at the DMC calling to offer me an RN position in the NICU!!!!  I was so happy I even told the lady that she was my favorite person ever (which maybe is unprofessional?).

My approximate reaction to "the call"
A little more info about my new job.  Orientation starts September 15, and I get to go to a bunch of boring seminars that week.  Then, I'll start really being a nurse and will be working three 12 hour shifts a week.  Some really awesome things about my job are that a) I get to work day shift so no more nocturnalism for me! and b) I already got a pay raise and haven't even started yet!!  So far I'm really liking this job.  But most of all, I'm excited to take care of babiessss and help them get better so they can go home :)  Also, last night I ordered this super cool badge clip that I'm kind of obsessed with.  
Retractable ID Badge Reel Personalized Bling Rhinestone Unisex Baby Feet Badge ID Reel, Nurse Badge Reel, Bling Badge Reel, NICU - 0047
Mine won't say Wendy.  Snapchat of the real
thing comin' at ya in a few days
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I'm official!

After I heard the good news about my new job, lots of things happened really fast.  The next big change in my life was that Taylor and I signed the lease for our new apartment.  We moved in last week and are so in love with it!  We each have our own bathroom and walk-in closet, there's an enormous balcony overlooking the pool, and it's 800 million times better than Blakely Court CART house (minus the fact we're missing half of us :/ ).  

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This is an actual conversation we
had this afternoon
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My room.  Taylor will have
to show you a pic of hers
so you can see how
coordinated we are!
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Bathroom...obviously
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View of the pool from our balcony.
The sad news is it closes in 4 days :(
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Giant balcony where we  sometimes
dine and watch netflix
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Super modern couch aka your bed
when you visit us


The next exciting thing that happened was that I bought a car!  Actually, the process of finding a car to buy isn't that fun.  Howie and I probably put about 20 hours into searching that week.  We went to tons of dealerships and had them price out different options, test drove the same three cars about four times each, and finally I made a decision.  On August 25, I bought a brand new Chrysler 200!! It's awesome and I can't wait to take all of you for a ride in it!
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To top it all off, my dad
surprised me with this
sweet license plate holder =)
Well that's my life.  Hope you enjoyed!  Excited to hear about yours :)

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Cincinnati, Best Nati

So we went to Cincinnati for the long weekend because...well...where else are you gonna go? Usually I expect things in the Worst State Ever to be awful, but we actually had a great time!

We flew out from the airport that is super close to our house, which is really the only way to travel--who wants to take a subway to a train to a bus and THEN fly? The flight to Cincinnati is crazy short so we left at 6:00 and landed by 7:15!

One thing that was kind of weird was that when we were walking toward baggage claim to meet our friend and driver both of the down escalators were out of order. So, it was annoying and everyone had to walk down carrying their bags. Zack and I joked that it was like using the DC metro, but as soon as someone heard us, they jumped in with "It's probably Michelle Obama's way of making us all lose weight!"--a comment that both isn't funny and doesn't make much sense. But, that was a quick reminder that we were currently in Kentucky, and not in the liberal wonderland that is NOVA.

She's probably yelling about how we all should eat vegetables. What nerve.
Once we made it outside, our friend Bobby picked us up and took us back to his new apartment. It was super nice! The good news is that even though he lives with an MSU grad, the decor is either neutral or Michigan themed. We'd like to commend Bobby on his constant vigilance for making sure the apartment never gets too Sparty-like.

The other good news is that his roomie was gone the whole weekend so Zack and I got to sleep in his bed instead of the couch! Also Bobby made us really good gumbo, which is a thing all of us weren't sure he knew how to make. 

Then we went to this crazy bar in the OTR part of Cincinnati. We took a Lyft there so that we could all drink and ended up riding with a guy names Jason who looked a lot like the lead singer from Coheed and Cambria.
Well known artist, or cab driver in Cincinnati? Hard to tell.
Bobby warned us that this bar wasn't in a good part of town and that it looked kinda weird at first. Good thing he warned us, because the first two floors of the bar are like gutted and definitely look like a good place for sexual predators to hang out and discuss tactics.  But when you get to the top, it's this huge warehouse with like 8 sets of corn hole, a foosball table, a bunch of tables and all the brewery equipment.  It's huge and the beer is really good (but definitely not cheap) and incredibly hot! It's also got this really cool graffiti/art on the walls and seemed to be filled with pretty cool people. I normally don't like games, but we did play one game of corn hole while we waited for Charlotte and Charlie to show up. Tim (a rando at the bar that agreed to play with us) and I lost to Zack and Bobby, but it was a very narrow victory and I think they'd be hard pressed to repeat.

Charlotte and Charlie are really cool people! Zack and Charlie had a lot of common ground between liking every sport ever and Frat Lyfe at their respective colleges. After a while we decided we'd go to the next bar and Charlie was nice enough to drive us there!

The next bar was like a hipster bar that had a live band, which is apparently not normally a thing. I think the band was being bad ironically, but even if they weren't they were not great to listen to--lots of screaming, and the guitar was way quieter than the screaming dude. So we got our rum and cokes and went to the patio so we could play giant Jenga, which is apparently this bar's schtick. You all probably received the snapchats, but apparently giant Jenga is a thing I could get pretty into. It also causes a medium to large size scene when the Jenga tumbles, which is probably a good way to start a conversation and hit on people. I didn't try it out because Zack was cramping my style, but I watched that happen a few times. The rum and cokes were super strong though so Jenga got progressively more challenging after a while.



We eventually decided to head out. I was trying to keep it together, but in retrospect, I was pretty drunk. The thing I had been most excited about for visiting Cincinnati was to eat real, authentic Skyline Chili. I've only ever eaten it out of the can, and still like it, so I figured it's gotta be better fresh! I wouldn't say it's significantly better out of the can, which is both comforting and disappointing. At least now I know I've been pretty much enjoying the real thing for many years. Zack found the noodles to be a little too whelming, but everyone knows my carb game is way stronger than his. Another thing I didn't realize though is that Skyline Chili places stay open super late and know their a good drunk food establishment. I wish we had one here.

Then we went back, slept real late and woke up for the Michigan game. I'm sure Ashley and Christine can give better details and stories about the game, so I'll just highlight something that I think probably got over looked. This is Bobo Beathard and he plays for App State. I was happier Friday when I could pretend his name is pronounced either Bobo or Bob-o Beat-hard and not Bobo Bethird. Either way, I'm glad he has the name he does.

After the game we went to visit the med school. We walked over and Bobby showed us all the stuff he does in the med school. That included a bucket of eyes, a brain, and head cut in half. I don't feel like it freaked me out, but I didn't really need to see any more of it than we did--I did not find it interesting and that is why I'm going to law school and NOT med school, or nurse school. Bobby mentioned he couldn't take us into the cadaver lab because the school cracked down on that and I was pretty much entirely okay with that.

Then we walked around the undergrad campus, saw the absurdly nice gym they have and looked at their pitiful stadiums. There was a high school game going on on the practice field and we were gonna watch it, but then it started to rain. So we did the only reasonable thing and went to a restaurant to eat macaroni and cheese and drink beer.

The only sad news was the had to walk back to Bobby's apartment in the rain. But then we just took showers and got ready to go out to Newport. That was a pretty cool area! The aquarium is out that way, which Reba told me she loves. They also have a place that sells donut grilled cheeses, a gameworks, and one of those restaurants where they say mean things to you and make you wear hats--I know they definitely have the same kind of deal in Boston. It was also apparently Bachelorette Weekend! We saw 5 bachelorette parties and one bride!


We went and ate pizza because Bobby and his friend Buckley were super hungry. Zack and I were not because of all the macaroni. Then we met up with a few more med school friends at a bar near by called Brothers. They all had fun med school stories to share. It's weird that they've all sawed up dead bodies before, but aren't psychos, you know? I mean I guess all doctors have, but for us lay people, it still seems like something crazy only crazy people do. Brothers was the bar where I got a rum and coke for only $3.75! If there were those kind of specials in DC, I think a good 75% of the area would be wasted about 75% of the time.

After that we went to another bar that was kind of like Heidelberg--all German and stuff. You can either order a half liter of beer or a whole liter of beer. No boots though. At first we were just waiting for Bobby's high school friends to show up, and we were looking for a table, which is like the worst part of every bar experience. But then all of a sudden, both things happened at once and we had friends AND a table!

We just sat there talking, listening to an accordion band and occasionally doing the chicken dance. We also had to listen to Hey Sloopy. But to make up for it they played Sweet Caroline and Wagon Wheel, so there was some amount of redemption. It was a great atmosphere and no one was "too cool" to do the chicken dance and this is where we saw the bride in her wedding gown and everything! It was really unpretentious, which I feel like is sometimes hard to find in DC. We went home around 1:30 and slept in late. My tummy was full of beer and that was kind of uncomfortable.

The next morning we got up and hard brunch and looked at all the other people who were struggling, which were numerous. I got something called a "Hot Mess" and Zack got chicken and waffles.


A hot mess. It seems like things that I would put together when I was drunk--potatoes, cheese, egg, gravy.


Chicken and waffles. Looks the same everywhere.

Then we walked around all the suburbs of Cinci. We went to Mariemont, Indian Hills, some bar that had a beach volleyball court, somewhere that had great ice cream with huge chunks of chocolate in it and Bobby's high school. There some nice stuff back there! It was fun to see where Bobby lived and grew up and everything. He was not able to show us the bank where he banks though, which makes the Almont tour much more satisfying.

Then we headed back to Bobby's apartment so he could do his fantasy draft. Mostly I just played my own fantasy game, which is called Kitchen Scramble and I'm addicted to. Both are equally productive.


Then we went to Bobby's parents house, at take out and saw their Michigan basement! I was really happy to see them! They'd only gotten back to Ohio like a half hour before we showed up, so they were a little frazzled, but always nice to see! It was funny because even though we were having take out, we were eating off a formal place setting with multiple knives, spoons and bowls. We were initially planning to go see fireworks, or maybe hit up the casinos, but we ended up just talking with Bobby's parents until midnight! There was a lot of sports talk, but we also talked about law school, where Mrs. Slater had travelled to, and history. It was the kind of super nice family dinner we don't get to have very often living hours away from our parents.

Then we just went home, packed and slept! We had to leave by like 9:30 in the morning on Monday, which was nice because we were back in our apartment by 1:00, but didn't have to wake up crazy early either. Then we did chores and went to the pool since it closed on Monday. The only sad thing is that I've diagnosed myself with a sinus infection. Lots of coughing that sounds gross and lots of nose blowing. Gotta get it together by this weekend so I can eat falafel and watch the Michigan Notre Dame game!

I wanna hear about several things: 1) the Michigan-App State Game 2) the new apartment 3) Teenie's first day as a grad student 4) Taylor's first day at her job 5) Ashely's prep for her new job 6) anything else I might have missed. Get to work!


Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Lots of Driving and a Tale of Two Cities

Last week, I got to go to Philadelphia for a week long trip that was kind of an Alternative Spring Break for grown ups. It was hosted by the Sisters of Mercy, who are really cool nuns, and so all of the service we did was at Mercy ministries in Philly. I really didn't know what I had signed up for, but figured it would be a cool chance to see a new city, get a break from Detroit and my super stressful job, and tack on a trip to NYC while I was out East.
First, I had to go to my co-worker's wedding, because we are work friends and I got a real grown-up invitation and everything. I couldn't get drunk though, because I had to leave early and drive overnight to get to South Philly by Sunday morning. I napped in a parking lot in Pennsylvania, and it's the closest I've ever come to pulling an all-nighter, which is an experience I don't really recommend.
The trip was super fun, and I learned a lot about poverty and service and the intersections between government assistance and private charity work. These are all things that I get to learn about in Detroit, too, but it was a quick crash course and definitely a different setting with different issues and challenges. Detroit is very different from Philadelphia (and New York) and I think I prefer a city with a few less people and a little more open space and air. But cheesesteaks are really good.

I also got to learn that Philadelphia is across the Delaware River from Camden, NJ! Who knew? Unfortunately, I learned this too late to plan a visit to Kathleen, who lives in Camden. I did stop for gas in Princeton, NJ, though, and was fairly underwhelmed by the small part of campus I saw. Michigan is better.
After being in Philly Sunday-Friday, I packed up my dad's car Saturday morning and drove to Mary Walle in Harlem. I got to take the bridge that has been causing Chris Christie so many problems and learned that Harlem is part of Manhattan which is one of the bouroughs and also an island. This blog post is very educational for all the readers out there who might be as geographically inept as myself.
Mary has a roof deck where we got to skype call Amy Ketner, who is the CART-ay blog's favorite reader. We also had a view of Yankee Stadium (located in the Bronx across the river from Manhattan), and this would have been more exciting if the Yankees weren't the absolute worst.
Walle and I walked through Central Park

and across the Brooklyn Bridge.

Also it is apparently a thing in NYC/grown up life to have boozey brunch. By the name, we can tell that this is a wonderful thing, complete with botomless mimosas! The restaurant we went to had terrible service, but a great view of Times Square. Probably Tina Fey is somewhere down in that mass of people.

All in all, I had a really fun 10 days, but maybe I won't drive that far alone for a while. The radio stations kept changing and every time I found a new one it just played the same three songs the last station had played.
Soon, I will be visiting my cousins in Virginia, and hopefully when I figure out those times I can also plan a quick trip to see R+Z in Crystal Dizzle! Who knew I'm such a world (country) traveler?

Sunday, May 18, 2014

How To Turn Your Roommate Into Your Best Friend And/Or Henchwoman

Allow us to present you with a hypothetical situation. In this hypothetical situation, you are a typical suburban housewife. You have the two kids, the husband, the mini-van with the little stick figure family in the back window—life is good. Then, gradually, you begin to feel uneasy in your own home. There’s this constant nagging feeling that someone is watching you, even when there’s no one there. There’s a funny smell that you just catch a vague whiff of once in a while. You’re pretty sure that there was more organic, all-natural peanut butter (you’re a health conscious mother, in this scenario) in the jar last night than there is this morning. The final straw is when you think you hear noises coming through the air vents, even though your whole family is in the living room watching Full House together. You call the police. They do a search of your house and discover that a drunk vagrant has set up shop in your attic, and he’s probably been there for months without you noticing. In fact, the police tell you, he’s been living there for so long that he now has a legal right to inhabit your attic, and you’re just going to have to deal with it because he’s not leaving.

New roommate is excited to move out of his boxcar and into your attic!
Surprise! That hobo is exactly like getting a roommate in college. You’re not really sure you want them around, they steal your food, and they probably don’t shower often enough. You certainly didn’t get to pick them. Regardless, you’re now going to have to find some way to get along with one another, because the police told you so.
This is where we come in. We were successful roommates for four years (like, in the same room roommates, so suck on that) and we have lots of helpful tips on how to make things go smoothly. Let’s get started!
Meeting a new roommate can be
as awkward as this picture
1. Make a bad first impression. This sounds counter-intuitive, but it really helps. There are plenty of ways to make a bad first impression on your roommate. When she tries to friend you on Facebook, ignore her friend request for long enough that she starts to sweat a little. Send her emails that make you sound like an idiot—like, maybe you can tell her about that time that you accidentally crossed the border into Canada without even having your drivers’ license on you. Be really crabby on the day you first move into the dorms. It’s all about setting the bar really low going into your initial in-person encounter. That way, it’s all uphill from there! Even if you have annoying habits, she’ll just be thankful that you don’t suck as much as she thought at first. Plus, if you end up being friends, you’ll have lots of fun stories to laugh about and tell people in the future.
2. Ask the tough questions. It's natural to be curious about the person you are about to share a room and a mini-fridge with. All roommates inevitably learn some small facts about each other, e.g. family background, weird eating habits, and favorite music. To have a really successful roommate-ship, though, you have to dig deeper. You can learn a lot by asking, for example, "If you could be any black woman for a day, who would you pick and why?" or "Code Blue?" An average roommate knows your eye color, a good roommate knows your dog's name, but a great roommate knows which hockey player you plan to marry. Questions can lead to equally heated debates on which post-colonial African president was the best or which Bachelor contestant is the craziest. Understanding your roomtart's interests can only bring you closer together (unless you hate his/her interests, then you're probably screwed.)
3. Say what's on your mind. Sometimes, being honest about what you're thinking can be really hard. After all, even if you have a big blow-up confrontation, you still have to live with that person, and then you run the risk of having them pee in your favorite shoes or something. Still, it's good to air things out. If you just silently fume about all of the little things that bother you, they'll just build up until you can't stand each other anymore, and that's no fun. So, if your roommate makes borscht in your carpeted kitchen and then leaves all of the million dishes, just politely ask him/her to do them! If her drunk cousins and his friends are loudly playing beer pong on your porch while you want to sleep, just tell them to shut up! (Let's be real, she's too drunk to really remember how you phrased it in the morning, so this time you don't have to be as polite.) And if she gets all uppity about going to study in North Quad, feel free to put that girl in her place.
Salmonella is for the weak
4. Bake together. I don't mean this in a marijuana related way, although this might also be a bonding experience. Better than any drug is the magic of brownies. There's a special form of communion created when you gather with your roomsicle(s) over a steaming pan of barely cooked desserts with nothing but spoons and the love you share. Some roommates have made the mistake of taking a box of brownie mix and following all of the directions. This is wrong. Once you know how much oil and eggs to add, throw that box away. Actually recycle it, because global climate change is real. Brownies/cakes/cookies not meant to be solid. Healthy roommate relationships are formed over hot, liquid desserts that represent the warm love that flows between two individuals.
Always be sure to look your best
for your events. Also,note that a good hench
woman allows you to ride on her back.
5. Invent Holidays and Events. If you live according to a normal calendar where your birthday only comes once a year and the holidays are few and far between, your life is a travesty. Celebrate half birthdays, quarter birthdays, 5/6 birthdays, the fact that Taylor lives here, June Day (Best Day), host an event called Dinner., have an ugly sweater party, have a toga party at which someone will bite lime and then be upset about it. Celebrations are happy, so many celebrations means you will have a happy household! And if you can somehow con the pre-med frat at your university into thinking that hosting parties at your house is a good idea, then life is all the better. They will bring the alcohol and you can steal a gallon of vodka, which you can later add Skittles to so you can taste the rainbow. (Which is kind of like baking. Look at how our tips correlate with one another!) Anyway, the point is, celebrate everything--including the fact that your roommate is awesome!
6. Have secrets. There is nothing that brings people together more than leaving other people out. Is that mean? Well we never said friendship was nice. To solidify your one-of-a-kind relationship with your roommate(s), it's important to have many inside jokes and perhaps even a secret language so that in a large group, it is clear that your friendship is better than everyone else's. This is a tricky step in the bonding process for several reasons. One, you cannot force a good secret. Work your way up to it in conversation (this goes along with asking questions) until your roommate is eventually spilling their guts to you and you alone. Also, sharing these special moments and memories will make people jealous of you, which is a good thing, but you don't want them to hate you. Good roommates have other friends, too, and these are the people you complain about your roommate to. The secret codes and knowing looks shared between roommates in a group setting must be kept to a minimum. Unless the roommates are in a group of people they don't much care for, in which case you should ignore everyone else and be really weird together, perhaps making drunken snowflakes or dancing by yourselves.
Happiness guaranteed
It is natural to be nervous when you get assigned a roommate for college, find a stranger to live with on Craig's list, or inevitably are forced to cohabitate with the smelly peanut butter thief in your attic. With these simple directions, though, all that awkwardness will quickly transform itself in the cocoon of your small shared space into a beautiful friendship that will last a lifetime, or at least until your youngest child turns 18 and your roommate is no longer bound in service to you as a live in nanny.
You're welcome ♥ Taylor & Christine